Hello. Today I would like to talk about the concept of What feels Good vs. What doesn’t feel good. I was surprised when life revealed to me that this is all that is ever important in any life experience. I once believed my life’s work was to overcome the many obstacles that present on my way to being successful. “Successful in what?” I eventually asked myself. Truth has a funny way of showing up, sometimes, so ask questions you are really ready to have the answer to.
“Ask and it is given.” Many people believe this promise of the creator to be true theorhetically but don’t always live as though it is true. I am raising my hand because I am guilty of this. Why is this?
The answer in short to why some people live as though they will not receive what they’ve asked for, even though they believe in God and the soundness of his words, is for some reason or another they believe this applies to certain ones whom they are not. Deep down inside they believe the promise could possibly be for everyone but them because of other beliefs they have about themselves.
I’ve never really known what I wanted to be successful in exactly. I believe I desired to be successful in everything. And I can say, I sure did give it my best shot.
I hit the ground running shortly after birth and quickly mastered all of the infant and toddler milestones. I remember desiring to know how to read, and then wanting to know how to read cursive writing, to wanting to know how to write neat print and cursive. I was shown in response to my asking and quickly I mastered my efforts. I completed HeadStart and Kindergarten both in one school year and was double promoted to first grade at 5 years old.
I graduated high school at age 17 after many unpleasant life experiences that I could have used as excuses to give up on my aim for success. Afterwards, I enrolled into a top notch University after winning a $1,000 scholarship for an essay I wrote claiming education to be the key to success and failed my freshman year. I was placed on academic suspension but my issue had nothing to do with my ability to do the work. I missed crucial final exams because I didn’t know there wasn’t a retake. Keeping an eye on my boyfriend at the time, trying to make sure he didn’t cheat on me was more important. How silly of me, but it’s true.
I have always been articulate and I knew how to professionally present myself, although I was young, so at the end of suspension I petitioned the school for readmittance and it was granted. I simply told the truth. I was young, ignorant to the guidelines of final exams, my focus had been distracted, and I intended to make necessary adjustments to proceed as a successful student. I did that. In 2001, when I graduated with a BA in Psychology and minor in Sociology, I was a single mother of two children and without the key to success. So, I continued my study for a BA in Social Work.
One year later, during the second semester of my senior year of Social Work, I faced being threatened to be withdrawn from the Social Work department, the end of an unsatisfying relationship, knowledge of my mother’s terminal illness, and extremely unpleasant thoughts and emotions about myself. What happened? (I go into more details about this in my upcoming book Looking For Comfort. I’ll let you know when it releases for public share. )
I went from a determined little individual to someone who was utterly afraid of life and angry with myself for not knowing how to fix all that I perceived to be broken. I wanted to give up. That’s what happen when enough focused attention is given to What doesn’t feel Good. My life felt like crap and it was too much to clean, so I wanted to be taken away from it. God visited me during this aching moment in my life and in a way that I could understand he let me know that I had succeeded in many things and had failed in nothing. There were areas that I desired success in, which was achievable, only I must continue to live to experience it. This information that God presented felt much better than my idea of myself as a failure whom I wanted to escape, so I agreed. I stood with a fresh perspective of myself and sought out to be successful in living life more abundantly. Of course, thinking and speaking my desire was more easily done than experiencing it.
I started personal development and studied all that I could to gain a better understanding about fear and love and how they play out in life experiences. During my accute study, I met many spiritual teachers whom I came to believe I knew personally through the adventures I joined them in that they shared. Iyanla Vanzant was among them. Her story was so profoundly similar to my own, although uniquely different. I loved her approach and her achievements in spite of her once allowing fear to color her life. In my heart a desire formed to one day meet her in person. (I’m still in expectation of this.) One phrase that she said during one of her talks that NOW stands out to me is: “Writing wasn’t something I was. It was something I did.” Hmmm.
Success, I once believed, was about doing some great thing. I successfully accomplished many great things, yet I still felt far away from the success I desired. I have a tattoo of the Japanese symbol for happiness on my left leg that represents what I truely desired for my life. I desired to be happy.
It took several years of communicating with God, through the various mediums he presented in my life, to understand how to successfully achieve the happiness I desired. I had to focus on What feels Good vs. What doesn’t feel Good. Had I known this information sooner and been able to apply it to my life in the earlier ‘green’ portions I could have experienced happiness and success with ease. I’m thankful for the way my experiences inspired my understanding to unfold because I have a beautiful heartfelt story to tell that has a neverending happy beginning.
Yesterday, I encountered some members of my family and experienced emotional discomfort for various reasons. For awhile, as if I didn’t know any better, I gave my focused attention to experiences, thoughts, and emotions that didn’t feel good. They felt so horrible I cried like a wounded child. I was wounded. My feelings were hurt and at the same time I knew that I understood on a deeper level what was required of me to feel better on an inner level. I had to forgive, release, and refocus.
In order for me to feel good again, as I had before these encounters, I had to again focus on what felt good. My focus on what didn’t feel good, didn’t feel good. And, no matter how much time and energy I gave to discomfort it would remain as discomfort. I cried like a baby but I know and knew I’m a big girl; grown and capable of deciding how I will feel in any given moment. Because my emotions were deeply attached to these relationships with specific family members, it took a while before I regained spiritual consciousness and control over my emotions.
When the successful moment occured, when I acknowledged the fact that people are people and we are all human and there will be times when our paths cross unpleasantly and in those moments the ball is in my court, I regained my personal power. I could have missed the shot at opportunity to embrace love and greatness or I could slam dunk my emotions into a place untouchable by anything outside of the truth of all there is. I admitt, I was a little slow on the family emotional court and but still I succeeded.
I focused away from what didn’t feel good and gave deliberate attention and intent focus on what felt great. For starters, it felt great to know that I was back in emotional control of myself. I continued with a list of positive aspects and thoughts about my family members that felt good. I love my family. I enjoy spending time with them. I am not their thoughts and emotions relative to me. I can love them from a distance, as needed, and still be open to embrace interaction when opportunity presents. I am not alone even though I have minute emotional access to my family. My mother exists in the non-physical realm but still physically focused with me in my heart. I can be, do, and have anything I desire should belief, expectation, and alignment with the truth of all there is takes place. I am great no matter what I do or don’t do. Success has never been about education or any other physically tangible item. It is about feeling awesome in any given moment, and that happens simply by decision.
If you are experiencing something that doesn’t feel good relax and know that this can change and will as soon as you shift your attention to what feels good. Life is supposed to feel good. When it doesn’t it is a mere indicator of our focus.
I wish you unlimited pleasant moments. I love you. Take care.
Founder of Kreative Inspirations