Why do I feel good about being a featured artist in the Evolution Ezine publication published May 30, 2013?
Here is the link to that page: Featured Artist
Is it because of the reputation of quality attention given to inspiring greatness in others that they’ve harnessed? Is it because I’m a really great artist who has, yet again, been blessed with exposure? Is it because the opportunity was the sort that just kind of happened; not based on high driven action to be noticed? I answer, “yes,” to all three questions I proposed. The last one is the one that has really grabbed my attention.
All of the things I am currently doing just sort of happened. The chapter in my life where this portion of my story began took place about ten years ago. When I zoom completely out away from the specific details of the life experiences I identify with as being DeMeitta Wesley, and observe from an aerial view-through the perception of my innermost component, I can see the beginning of the story taking place one winter, in 1978, during the midst of a snowstorm. I can say I was born to be where I am, and at the same time there would be untruth within my words.
Many people believe in there being a particular prototype for success. Popular media assists in identifying and fleshing out this belief. Talk shows and dramatic movies give birth to a common place for those who will never meet the criteria and is mad as hell about it. Ten years ago, I was someone who lived this same drama. I never wanted to air dirty laundry, because doing so went against my appreciation for cleanliness, so even though I’ve always known my story could resonate with the masses as another severe dysfunctional situation I didn’t consider making it public through some headline distraction. I understood on a deeper level that personal change held more value than public sympathetic awareness.
I wanted to die after graduating from a top college with education that didn’t secure suitable employment. Being in debt, struggling to keep up with daily monetary responsibilities, and hating the way my life felt made me wish to leave it all behind.
I was certain that I didn’t come into this life to fail. The reason why I was failing was illusive to me at the time. I just knew that I wasn’t the type of person who continued to participate in a game that I’m unable to win.
Within my understanding of all there was, at that time, God was the dealer of the cards. I felt I’d been dealt a shitty hand, and when I approached teenage and young adulthood I was certain I had, without a shadow of doubt. Angrily and desperately, I threw my hand in. “Please have your gift back,” I cried. “I’m not a failure. I didn’t come here to fail.” I knew this was true. It was that knowing that made me solid in my desire to leave the life I was living.
I had a vision in response to my offering. The gift of my life had been distorted with my perceptions of it to the point that I felt embarrassment during the visual flashes of segments of my life. I tried to explain but quickly realized there was no explanation. My life had unfolded the way it had and I had responded the way I did. And, in that moment, I asked to quit there.
My history held uncomfortable experiences and crippling perspectives. The end would have been, “She died because she was tired of being uncomfortable and crippled.” Not my desire for the story I am living. My offering of my life in this way transformed with a different desire. I wanted to live my life in a way that is a continuous offering of it in a way that allows me to feel comfortable and free as was intended by my creator. This all took place ten years ago.
Here I live and is writing about the beauty I have witnessed on the journey of living comfortably and freely. I now appreciate much of the discomfort I have experienced and the perceived lack of freedom. The process of transforming personal beliefs into ones that allow me to be as I desire completely is an eternal one. I understand, now, this is the reason I have come into existence. I am here to be as I am. Unraveling the words within that last sentence could take more pages than I intend to include in this interaction. I will say that the journey of being as I am in any given moment and allowing my emotions to comfortably and freely carry me into the next moment of being as I am has been one that could be seriously described as magical.
Immediately after I felt desire to live, I developed desire to share my story. I believed there were many people who had gone through the toils of life and through the discomforts that accompany and desired relief. In my case, at first, I tried damn hard to be successful. After that didn’t work I wanted to die. My story includes a desire to live that manifested through dysfunction, failure, and my response to it.
This desire to live has spread through me with the ease of wild fire. I set ablaze to a path I took in effort to become a published author. I wanted to share my story. Back then many people read books. They were in search of solutions and answers. I didn’t have the solution, and neither did I have answers to the various problems that exist in human reality. What I had was a story that I believed had potential to beneficially assist someone or many in the sharing of it.
I took time and familiarized with the writing market. The research I conducted focused on what makes a good book, one that people will enjoy reading and be able to learn something through the experience. I wanted to know how books were chosen for publication and how already published authors have successfully embraced such a dream while at the same time fully immersed in the realities of daily living. My mother had been diagnosed with cancer. I wanted to help her with the story she had helped me to write through living. She was my targeted audience for my first self-help book.
I researched cancer and causes of it. Several books and articles I found in magazines and on the internet associated fear and fear based thinking with cancer patients. People who experience fear and fear based thoughts frequently are more likely, according to psychologists and psychoanalytical physicians, to activate cancer cells once dormant in the body. Living in the experience of love and love based thoughts was expressed to be a beneficial way of restoring the body and bringing it back into a state of wellness. In my opinion, this was perfect. All my mother had to do was learn this information. Once she started to incorporate it into her life she would begin benefitting from relief and restoration.
I titled the book, Choosing Love Over Fear, believing it was clear and precise as book readers preferred. In the book, I described the two main human emotions; love and fear, and the role they played in designing individual life experiences. The main point I tried to make was fear is a perception of something that has yet happened. When fear is responded to fearfully, in every case, an individual is creating real experiences based on unreal experiences. In my mother’s situation the real experience was cancer.
It took me three months to organize, write, and proofread the book. This was my first time writing in a publically intended way. Prior to my desire to share my story I wrote as a form of relief from my life. I wrote in journals, wrote poetry, and expressed secret details of my life in selectively shared short stories. Writing articles and reports for school had fine-tuned my ability to write clearly and concisely. At completion I had no doubt that this was one of the best books written. I attributed the special qualities I saw in it to my mother being a significant reason it was written. My own comfort and freedom was the guide of inspiration.
Momma was released from the hospital about a week after I printed a booklet copy for her. She was under the care of hospice, unable to read, and thought to have less than three months of life left. Instantly, my book failed at being useful in the way I desired. I tossed it aside, worked on accepting my mother’s death and eviction that came on the day of her funeral. Life took off very swiftly for me. Writing and art became memorable pastimes while survival took center stage. Last year, after being fired twice from jobs that were less than I desired for employment and use of my energy I recovered with an epiphany; it was time I do what made me feel good. I eased back into writing and drawing as relief from the reality of my life in current experience.
Technology has changed the playing field for writers, artists, and those who read and enjoy art. I’ve had to familiarize myself with all of the new tools and ways of utilizing them. Blogging and writing for online magazines has been the way the writer in me is exploring this newness. The artist inside has discovered digital art and ways to use it to share beneficial stories and information. My focus upon offering myself in a way that feel comfortable and free attracted the experience of seeing an ad asking for artists to respond for opportunity to be featured with Evolution Ezine. I did. And, this is how it all took place.
The most delicious treat of it all was experiencing the comments that were left below the feature. The simple art and words that I shared traveled beyond the computer world into the spiritual experience of others who were inspired to share the details with me. This to me is confirmation of alignment with who I desire to be and who I am in this very moment.
I would like to leave these words with you. Focus on experiencing and expressing your greatness and you cannot fail to do so. Life is supposed to taste good. Savor every delight.
Best Wishes.DeMeitta Wesley Kreative Inspirations Here is a collection of artwork done before and after my journey towards comfort and feeling free.